


Kindred

by distractedKat



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, I don't know what this is and neither do you, I have feelings, One Shot, guess who just caught up, tag to ep 21
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 14:07:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distractedKat/pseuds/distractedKat
Summary: Cali thought she should probably leave Mr. Caleb alone. He was walking the perimeter of the safehouse, carefully laying a thin silver string. Protecting his team—his friends—even as he sought distance from them. It made her heart ache. It made her silly and impulsive.It made her step forward.





	Kindred

**Author's Note:**

> YEAH SO THE EP ENDED AND I IMMEDIATELY CHURNED OUT THESE NEARLY TWO THOUSAND WORDS. I REALLY LOVED CALI AND HER INTERACTIONS WITH CALEB
> 
> I GOT FEELINGS, YES I DO
> 
> I GOT FEELINGS, HOW 'BOUT YOU

Cali stepped out of the safehouse and into the night. She wanted to feel bad about leaving the others--the Mighty Nein--to the task in front of them, but.

She didn't.

Maybe it was wrong of her, that she didn't feel as bad as she wanted to. As she thought she should. That was okay, though, she was used to that.

To being wrong.

She had a mission away from here, goals that took her to other places, places her new friends couldn't be. Hopefully they would survive without her. Hopefully Jester would live to be her penpal. Hopefully she would see them all again.

But her place was elsewhere. Her destiny, her penance, her salvation. It was somewhere else. So she would go there, thinking she should feel bad but not feeling bad at all, and she would go there alone. That was okay.

Mr. Caleb was outside, sitting in the dark with his back to the safehouse. Alone.

That was _not_ okay. It wasn’t fair, it didn’t make sense, that he would be hurt for being cautious. That he would be hurt for making sure she was safe, not anther trick of the Cult.

Then again, a lot of things were unfair. A lot of things didn’t make sense. Cali thought she should feel bad about it.

She felt bad that Mr. Caleb was carrying more weight because of her, because he’d chosen to do the difficult and necessary thing. Jester and Beau were nice people, kind women, trusting. Naïve. They were lucky to have someone so cautious with them; if Cali had been cautious when she was younger, if she’d had someone to be cautious for her, a lot of things might have turned out very different.

Cali thought she should probably leave Mr. Caleb alone. He was walking the perimeter of the safehouse, carefully laying a thin silver string. Protecting his team—his friends—even as he sought distance from them. It made her heart ache. It made her silly and impulsive.

It made her step forward. “Mr. Caleb,” she called.

He paused, turning to her, expression so carefully blank. “Ja,” he said. “I suppose you are leaving now. I hope you will have a safe journey.” He looked down at the silver thread in his hands, mouth twisting wryly. “I wish you better luck than I have had,” he murmured, “in…making reparations. For what you did while in that cult.”

After a brief struggle, Cali blurted, “I think you were right, Mr. Caleb. To be cautious. What would you have done if I’d been lying?”

Mr. Caleb stilled in his work. His eyes slid shut on a mirthless chuckle. “We would learn from it,” he said, almost like he was quoting.

“I don’t understand,” Cali said. “You’ve already learned that lesson, I thought?” Mr. Caleb whipped around to stare at her, so quick and sharp that half of Cali tried to wince away while half of her tried to step forward with a challenge. As usual, she settled on compromise and did nothing. “It’s just,” she said carefully, “you have already learned that, haven’t you? How dangerous trust is? And that’s where your caution comes from.”

“I have trusted in the wrong people before,” Mr. Caleb admitted, hardly louder than a whisper, shoulders and hands and head all dropping low. “Wholeheartedly. Optimistically. And it has…caused harm. Tremendous harm, that cannot be undone. Not like your cult,” he added with a shuddering breath. “But—Not entirely dissimilar, I must say. I would rather—I would rather ask the intentions of a hundred people and be called a fool a hundred times than put power into the wrong hands even once more in my life.”

Cali thought she shouldn’t have understood that. Mr. Caleb should have sounded weird. Maybe to the others, to his friends— _their_ friends, now—he would. But—

She and Mr. Caleb have been the same person, or just about. Probably not members of similar cults, but tricked and twisted around. Turned into something they only realized was wrong after too long. When it was too late. They aren’t the same person, not at all, she would never think herself as good and clever and wise as Mr. Caleb.

But.

“Thank you,” she said. “For making sure about my intentions, I mean. It’s good to know there are people out there who are working hard to make sure bad things don’t get into bad hands, no matter the cost.”

Mr. Caleb laughed, a little, broken sound, and finally finished laying his string. He went over to a log and sat down, leaving room for Cali to join him. “I am—” He coughed another laugh. “I am trying, you see, Calianna. I am trying to be better. I will make mistakes, we all do, everyone, even you. And it is…it is not bad, to make those mistakes. But I am trying not to make the same ones, and it seems no matter how I try, it—” He rubbed a hand down his face. “This is too much for you,” he said, mostly to himself. “You did not wish for me to take on your burdens, and I do not wish to burden you with mine.” He looked like he would pat her knee but only ended up pawing at the air just above it. “I apologize. This is no way to send off a friend.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Caleb,” she said, not sure why but feeling it was true. “I didn’t mean to cause an argument.”

“No, no.” He patted the air above her shoulder. “Do not worry yourself, Calianna. It was…it was an old argument. I do understand the perspective, even if I think it dangerous. You know, when I was Beau’s age, I—“ His whole face crumpled as he curled forward. “When I was _your_ age,” he whispered to himself.

Cali thought she should feel worried. This behavior from an adult should worry her, even if he was her friend.

What she felt was a calm, deep resonance. They were alike, her and Mr. Caleb. Whatever he’d been through, it was closer to what she’d lived with in the cult than anyone she’d ever met before.

She wanted to stay with him.

She wanted him to come with her.

She had no way of saying, “We’re both walking toward forgiveness, and I think we might belong together” without it sounding…

Mr. Caleb had his own life with his own friends.

“I could talk to them again,” she said, watching him fight to compose himself, watching his body shake as he held himself together all on his own. With friends within shouting distance. Friends who were frustrated with him, who didn’t understand.

“What are you looking for?” she asked when he didn’t reply. “I’m looking for artifacts that the cult could use to do to others what they did to me. For objects that would let them ruin things, the way they tried to ruin me. What are you looking for?”

“Power,” he whispered into his own hands. “The power to undo great wrongs. To see the ruin I caused unmade.”

Well.

Not so different from her, after all.

“I’m not powerful,” she said. “But the things I’m looking to destroy are. And there would be powerful things with them that don’t have anything to do with me.”

For a long moment, Mr. Caleb was silent. “I joint the Might Nein in the first place for protection,” he said. “There is safety in numbers.”

Cali sighed, deep and long, tipping her head back to look up into the darkened branches of the swamp trees. “I can’t give you that,” she admitted. “All I can give you for sure is another cult to hide from.”

“I never said I was in a cult,” Mr. Caleb pointed out. He didn’t wait for her to reply, which was fine. She wasn’t stupid, and neither was he. Their lives weren’t the same.

But.

Mr. Caleb fiddled with something in his hands, blowing into the cup of them with a murmurer. “You know,” he said, “there is safety in numbers.”

Cali nodded. “You’ll be very safe, here,” she agreed, happy for him.

She should be happy for him. And half of her even managed it.

Quiet slipped by. Just when Cali thought she should probably start leaving, someone slipped from the building, quiet as the wind.

Nott. With her pack already slung on her back. “Couldn’t grab yours without arousing suspicion,” she said, “but I poked through for the essentials. They can have the rest.”

“You are sure about this?” Caleb asked her. “You could be happy with them.”

“I already have everything that matters to me,” she said. “It doesn’t matter where we go, as long as it’s together.” She turned to eye Cali. “You’re going to have to tell me everything about that cult,” she said in a warning voice. “We need to be prepared.”

“I don’t understand,” Cali said, and half of her even believed it.

The dragon in her blood hummed with satisfaction.

“Safety in numbers,” Nott said. “I told them we’d sleep out here,” she added to Caleb. “I _may_ have implied that I was going to—“ She made exaggerated finger quotes. “— _talk some sense_ into you. It should be enough of a head start.”

“It is no trouble,” Caleb said, standing with a stretch. “They would not look for me regardless.” He turned to Cali. “There are those searching for me even now, though, Calianna. People like your cult. They are very powerful and very dangerous. If we can manage it, our best luck will be in staying out of the Empire altogether.”

Cali hopped up, heart thundering. “Mr. Caleb,” she said, voice choked. “I can’t ask you to—”

“And you have not,” he said. “We joined a group at random a month ago, and got this far with them. I think our paths would have diverged eventually one way or another. Now we shall go with you. There will be safety in our numbers. You will work to atone for your actions, and I will work to atone for mine.”

“And maybe this time we won’t bother trying to make a name for ourselves,” Nott sighed.

“That’d be dangerous anyway,” Cali pointed out.

Something almost like a smile curved one corner of Mr. Caleb’s mouth. “Shall we go?” he asked Nott, asked her. Asked the night.

Cali thought she should protest. Try to talk Mr. Caleb out of it. Try to make them all wait until morning to make a clear-headed choice.

But half of Cali didn’t care about that at all. She’d never had friends before. Not ever.

Now she had eight, and two of them were coming with her.

She followed Mr. Caleb and Nott into the night, walking with them as she’d never walked with anyone before in her life. It was nice. It was comforting.

It was _hers._

They left the swamp together.

None of them looked back.

**Author's Note:**

> hhHHHEEEYYUUUGGHHH I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE PLANNED FOR IT. IT WON'T HAPPEN IN CANON.
> 
> I JUST.
> 
> WANTED IT TO
> 
> Nobody's bad, but Caleb already learned the "don't trust people" lesson, that's why he's paranoid about trusting people. So why isn't he allowed to lean on that knowledge? Why is everyone else in the party so YOUNG?? I'm Caleb's age and I just spend all my time going NO YOU CAN'T JUST
> 
> BABIES.
> 
> NO.
> 
> So here yoU GO, TWO THOUSAND WORDS OF BLEH
> 
> FOR MY NEXT AU I'M TURNING CALEB INTO A BIRD
> 
> YOU'RE WELCOME


End file.
